Girls Camp and a Half Marathon

Ever since I was pregnant I have been devising a scheme to run a race this summer. I spent one whole night scouring the internet for races close to New Haven. I found tons of awesome looking triathlons, some 5ks and 10ks, but what really caught my eye was the Hartford marathon. I thought about running a whole marathon, but figured that since I would have just had a baby and if I wanted Seth to run it with me, I should only run the Hartford Half. It's a big, well-organized marathon on a supposedly fast and flat course. Just looking at the website made that motivated, eye of the tiger, race excitement just well up inside of me. It was pretty pricey--$60 each, but I figured with some of the graduation presents I had, I could make it work. I went running once or twice after I had Joseph, and kept thinking and planning how I was going to run a half-marathon. It was going to be so neat. I mean, I did one a half marathon the week after I got home from a mission. Yeah, it was a little miserable (remember the Skandi-dag Willi?) but I did it. When I told my friend Heather about it, she was more than excited to come out and cheer and hold Joseph while we ran, so I thought I had it all figured out.
Everytime I would go for a walk or run, or do crunches or anything I would think about this half-marathon. It became kind of a mental escape--not in a bad way, but it is a lot funner to think about a half marathon than to think about how hot and humid it is, or all of those little things (dishes, phonecalls) that need to get done.
I don't know what finally made me realize it. It might have been the $60, or it might have been the last time I went running and was tired after the first mile, but last week I finally came to the realization that running a half-marathon probably wasn't the best thing for me or my family right now. I cried a little bit and Seth asked if I was sure. But somehow I was ok with the realization.

A couple weeks ago I was called to be Young Women's president. One of the things the Counselor in the Bishopric said when he extended the call was that they really liked having the Young Women's presidency at Girl's Camp, but they didn't expect me to go with a young baby. The minute he said that my mind gave a little leap and I began devising ways that I could go to Girls Camp. I started thinking of all of the fun games that I could teach the girls. I could borrow a playpen and take it for Joseph to sleep in. I could just take the tummy pack and carry Joseph around in it all day and nurse him up there. It would be much more fun than sitting at home. And besides, we "camped" at Moyle Park. Everything would be just fine. The girls needed me there and it was my calling so I would be blessed. I thought about it all week, planning how I was going to get there, what days I was going to go, and what I would take. I was so excited to be going back to girl's camp. I had always wanted to do this.

Then on Saturdaywe drove up to Sharon VT, to the birthplace of Joseph Smith. Girl's Camp is at Camp Joseph which is down the road from the memorial. I looked at the directions and made sure I paid attention so I would be able to get back there when I drove up with Joseph on Wednesday. On the way there Joseph was perfect. He slept the whole time. He was even good while we looked at everything and then watched the Joseph Smith movie. The way home was a different story. We kept having to stop because he would just scream and scream in his car seat. We would pull over and Joseph wouldn't want to eat. He would fall asleep and we would sneakily put him back in his car seat and try to drive, only to hear a whimper and then screams 5 minutes later. I felt bad because Juan was with us, and it was taking forever to get home. Luckily Juan didn't seem to mind, but he was surprised at how loud Joseph can cry. So we kept stopping and Joseph kept fussing, and it took us 4 1/2 long hours to get home. By this time I was wondering if I really wanted to do that drive all by myself.


After we got home we started cooking some dinner. I was stirring the chicken gravy on the stove when I got a phone call. One of the YW leaders told me she had just found out that you can't take babies to camp. I said that was probably just fine, and that I just wouldn't be able to go. I went back to the kitchen and said,

"You know, I had the thought today that it wasn't right for me to try and go to girls camp." I felt really calm and peaceful about that. I started wondering,

"So, if it wasn't right all along for me to go to Girls Camp, why did I feel so good about it? Why was I so excited about it. Why couldn't the spirit have told me last week that it just wouldn't work out to go? Did I just not listen? And what about my half-marathon? Why did I feel so right about that, only to realize later that it just wouldn't be the best thing?"

The answer came pretty clearly. It was as if someone said, "Elizabeth, you didn't really want to hear that last week. We could have told you, but it would have just made it harder. You would have been devastatated. But look how much easier it was after you saw how everything played out, and came to that conclusion yourself that it just wouldn't work. Heavenly Father knows you and he gives you the inspiration you need when it is best for you to hear it."

I kind of smiled, realized how true that was. If someone had told me that I couldn't run a half-marathon after having a baby or while nursing a baby, I would have gone to great lengths to prove them wrong. But as it was I just thought my dream until I finally came to my own conclusion of what was best. And even though it was a little hard, I felt just fine about it. It didn't even hurt that bad to give it up. And after our drive I was more than happy to stay home from girls camp.

In Doctrine and Covenants 18:18 it says, "Ask the Father in my name, in faith believing that you shall receive, and you shall have the Holy Ghost, which manifesteth all things which are expedient unto the children of men." The spirit tells us exactly what we need to hear, when we need to hear them. Sometimes we need to hear things right when it will be hardest in order to test our faith, and other times we just need time to see how it will play out. That doesn't mean that we need to make the wrong decision and learn a lesson from it. The spirit will guide us to what is right, it just sometimes the process takes a little longer than others--for our own good. The most important thing is that we listen to the spirit and remember that Heavenly Father knows us deeply. He is there to guide us not only in following the spirit, but in the whole process. He truly does as he promises in D&C 84:88, "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your let, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." Making decisions is part of our mortal experience. Some are harder than others. Sometimes we are asked to do hard things, and other times we are asked to give things up. But when we come to a conclusions of what is right and actually follow it, that is when we are blessed.

So, here I am at home with Joseph writing blog posts instead of being up at girls camp, and we are both really happy.