Taylor Baby #4

 He or she is due the end of November. We can't wait. :)

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone! Here's something I wrote to celebrate being a mother. I'm so grateful for our three little children.

  I thought I knew what motherhood meant. It meant holding my newborn through the night, smiling at his oh-so-awake eyes, wondering at his perfect fingers and toes. It meant cleaning up baby food from the floor, jumping up and down to make my baby laugh, snuggling in the chair at the end of the day.

 I thought I knew what motherhood meant. It meant bending over pregnant to change a diaper. It meant waking up in the middle of the night, to go to the bathroom, to stop my son’s crying. It meant tired beyond tired, happy beyond happy. It meant two little boys, each with two laughing eyes. It meant watching them toddle, laugh, and scream. It meant seeing them splash in mud puddles under a clear sky. It meant tip-toeing into their room at night, reaching into two cribs, caressing their hair.

 I thought I knew what motherhood meant. It meant trying with all my might to fit two boys, myself and my pregnant stomach on one chair to read stories. It meant running awkwardly after four quick and happy feet. It meant teaching songs, letters, and words. It meant laughing at the naughty smiles, hand on my stomach. It meant movement, life.

 I thought I knew what motherhood meant. And then it all became a blur. A 41 week ultrasound, two doctors, two nurses, and no heartbeat. It meant hope against hope—and then pain against pain. It meant kissing a small and perfect face—and then letting go. It meant standing, cold, empty, in a cemetery. Placing a flower on a tiny grave. It meant wishing I could have only seen her eyes.

 I understand a little better now. Motherhood means faith. It means deep deep hurt, but it also means deep deep joy. Love in the face of the unexpected. Changing dreams, not diapers. It means partnership with God above. Hope, healing. Jumping heart first into the future.

 It means someday I will look into her eyes.

Nellie's Funeral

Here are some pictures of Nellie's beautiful funeral. We held a memorial service at the church and were touched by how many of our friends and loved ones were there. We felt a very sweet and powerful spirit the whole time. Seth and I both spoke and shared our testimonies and it felt nice to do that for Nellie. We took some family pictures and are happy to have some pictures of all of us together.

We had Nellie buried in Schoharie, NY, next to Seth's grandpa and a lot of extended family. We are so happy that she is close to family. We had a small graveside service, sang "God be with you til we Meet Again," and Seth dedicated her grave. It was very hard to be there, but there was an amazingly sweet spirit.

As we look back on all of our experiences with Nellie, it is neat to see how blessed our family was by the spirit and by the prayers of others. We have never been through anything so hard, but have never felt so uplifted and comforted. As we approach this Easter season, we are excited to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ. It is very real to us now. We love our Nellie and it makes all the difference to know the even though she died, just like Christ, she "shall live again."

Nellie Margaret Taylor

Our little daughter Nellie was born at 3:04 this morning. It was a really special experience. When we went to the hospital they tried to find a heartbeat, but couldn't find anything. So we knew the whole time there wasn't any hope, even though we still hoped for a miracle. The labor went well and she was born. I couldn't believe how much she looked like one of our kids. She was beautiful. The cord had been wrapped around her legs and knotted so much that she hadn't been able to get any oxygen. But she was perfectly formed. She weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. The nurse let us hold her and right then I was perfectly happy holding my little girl. Seth and I both cried and held her for about an hour. Then we had to kiss her goodbye and they wheeled me out to a recovery room. I can't believe how hard it has been. I didn't realize how much we all loved her and what a huge part of our family she has been until I saw her.

We are all having a hard time, and I suppose we will for a little while. It just doesn't seem right coming home without baby sister. But Joseph and Kenny quickly accepted the idea that she is with their Grandpa Kenny, Grandpa Leo, and Grandpa VanDerwerken and that they have a baby sister angel. It hasn't been so easy for Seth or I. But we know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ all things can be made right.

Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts. I know she loves all of us, and will be around. I can feel that she is happy.

Joseph Funnies

Joseph has started talking enough that he can now say funny things. Here are a few of them. The other day I was talking to him about the Plan of Salvation. I said "Heavenly Father sent us to earth so we could get . . . ." Usually he answers and says "A body" But this time he thought for a little while and said "Ice Cream!" I guess that might be part of why Heavenly Father sent us here :)

When Seth did his triathlon I was narrating the whole thing for Joseph. He had seen us get Seth's bike off the car and set it up and everything. While Seth was swimming I said to Joseph, "Daddy's going to get out of the water and get on his . . . . .?" Joseph thought for a little bit and said, "Clothes!" Yep.

Camping in Maine

We had a great time last weekend at Acadia National Park in Maine. It is a BEAUTIFUL place. I told Seth I thought you only saw places like this in calendars. It took us a long 7 1/2 hours to get there (even more the first day because we made a stop to purchase a minivan-- I know it's kind of crazy, but that's the only way it worked out). It was totally worth the drive.

We got into camp at about 11:30 pm, thinking that we would leave the boys sleeping in the car while we quickly set up the tent and beds. It worked for about 5 minutes. Soon I was holding a screaming Kenny and trying to help Seth get the poles in the tent, while Joseph watched wrapped up in a blanket in a campchair. Needless to say, our first night was a little restless. But the rest was wonderful.

The next day we went and hiked along the coast. Seth excitedly went to grab the camera from his bag so we could take pictures. He had made a special effort to charge the battery so we were all ready to go. When he turned it on, we realized that we had left the memory card in the computer. Ahhhh! We had a sad moment thinking we wouldn't get any pictures before we realized that we could probably find somewhere to buy a memory card in the little town close by, which we did. So, luckily you can all see some of Acadia's beauty.

I never knew that Maine was so beautiful. Probably because we always lived so far away, but this is definitely a place worth visiting.


There was one sandy beach to swim on, that had beautiful waves, but the water is really cold. After a few minutes Kenny was shivering, even though he still wanted to be in the water. The sand was beautiful and really fine, but I hadn't realized that fine sand is VERY sticky and hard to brush off of squirming wet babies. They were probably sandy the rest of the time.



Here is a picture of Joseph and Seth on top of our first mountain. It was named the "South Bubble" and was about 600 feet above sea level. That sounds like nothing coming from Utah or Idaho, but it was a pretty decent hike. The boys loved the backpacks, for the most part and they were thrilled that they were hiking a "bubble."


Family picture on top of the bubble. It overlooks a beautiful mountain lake and then you can see out to the Atlantic Ocean. One of Acadia's strong points is that you get mountains and ocean all in the same park. Kenny is wondering what is going on . . .



This is our second hike. It was called Mount Acadia. Seth let me pick the hikes and so I picked one that looked relatively easy on the map. It was only 600 something feet above sea level, and only about a mile long, but when we got going, we realized it was a real hike! The trail went straight up the mountain, and up a few rocks. I was a little nervous at first, but it turned out to be really fun. I have really missed hiking up mountains. We just don't have many here in CT.



Joseph enjoyed being a "mountain sheep" and was thrilled with his little hiking boots we put on him.


Here's the view from on top of Acadia mountain. After we finished our hike we went and swam in one of the lakes, which felt really good.



Joseph and Kenny loved camping. They loved the little camp chairs, sleeping in the "nent" and playing in the dirt.

And a few more random pictures. Do Seth and Kenny look alike??

Our Fun and Busy Weekend

We had a great weekend. Saturday morning Seth and I went and ran a 5k at the YMCA. We kept debating who should push the boys in the stroller. We thought about taking one of the young women from our ward, but that seemed like too much work. Then we saw online that the winner of the race would get $100. I told Seth I would push the boys in the stroller and he could win, then come back and grab the stroller from me :) So, off we went. They said that the course was "moderately hilly." That was an understatement. We went down a huge hill about 200 meters long and then ran a few little hills and had to come back up. There were more and more hills, and there I was pushing two heavy little boys. One nice old man I was running with helped me push the stroller up the hill. So, I wasn't going very fast, but I realized that I was the first girl. But this one girl kept passing me on the uphills and then I would fly by her on the downhills. So, Seth finished 3rd overall, came back and got the stroller, then I went and passed the girl and won 1st female overall with a time of 28:01 and won $100.


Then we came home, and Eric and Angie came over to our house to say hi. They are in the middle of their spring break trip to the East and came to visit New Haven. It was fun to see them. They have a really cute family, and it's fun for them to remember their graduate school, New Haven days.

After that, we rushed around while the boys were fussing, trying to pack everything in the car to go to upstate NY for Grandpa VanDerwerken's suprise 80th birthday party. We finally got everybody and everything in the car and the boys slept the whole way there (3 hours). Sunday afternoon everyone met at the church and they told Grandpa that he was supposed to be on a panel for a youth fireside. He walked in and we all said surprise! and sang for him. Then there was a great program that told about Grandpa's life. Seth got to share a few thoughts about the influence Grandpa has had on the grandchildren. Here are some fun pictures!


Lot of fun cousins!



Family picture--I told Jackson to be in the picture so it would look like we had 3 cute boys all dressed in blue . . .

And here's a cute picture of our two boys.

Have a happy Easter everyone!